Van Halen: Diver Down

It’s common practice for me to look over my iTunes list and actually want to listen to bad albums. I don’t mean bad albums by bad bands, like Nickelback or Limp Bizkit or whatever, but bad albums by musicians or bands I hold in high regard. Or even musicians or bands that are guilty pleasures, or that I once liked but haven’t really followed in a while.

I don’t know how I’d classify Van Halen. They’re talented musicians, David Lee Roth is arguably one of the greatest frontmen of all time (though Mick Jagger and Freddie Mercury would like a word with him, I’m sure … and while they are, maybe they could get him to cut down on some of the more outrageous vocal histrionics), but their music isn’t particularly groundbreaking or meaningful. It’s just escapism; pure, enjoyable escapism.

As I perused my library of Van Halen albums (I have all of them, though I can’t remember how I came to possess them; the only physical CD I have of theirs is 1984), I was looking for a bad album of theirs that I would review for Sound Round. I lost interest quickly, because I didn’t want to have to listen to what is often regarded as their worst release (III), which I tried to do a few months ago and only made it past the second song, ‘Without You’, before I started to lose interest. Instead, I decided to refocus my energies on a forgotten album that was released at the height of their success but was overshadowed by the response to its follow-up. I’m talking about, of course, 1982′s Diver Down, issued at a time when the ashes of New Wave, punk, and disco were being reformed to slick Euro-pop and singles written for the sole purpose of creating a video for MTV.

Diver Down is a simple rock album, though to rabid Van Halen fans, it can be seen as something of a cop-out. Of the 12 songs on the album, five are covers, and three are instrumentals or lead-ins to more substantial songs, leaving only four proper Van Halen compositions. First, let’s start with the covers: the band tackles another Kinks klassik, ‘Where Have All The Good Times Gone’, though it lacks the immediacy and urgency of their breakthrough recording of ‘You Really Got Me’ from their debut album. Roy Orbison’s ‘(Oh) Pretty Woman’ is run through the Van Halen wringer too, and comes off more demented and lustful than anything The Big O could have ever come up with, while Martha and the Vandella’s ‘Dancing In The Street’ loses a bit in translation, and the lack of the distinctive brass motif doesn’t help, but I can’t help but grin like an idiot and sing along to the song. (To date, I have yet to hear a bad version of this song, which might rank in the Top Ten of my favorite songs of all time.) Perhaps the most un-Van Halen cover is the little-known ‘Big Bad Bill (Is Sweet William Now)’, and is largely acoustic with a lazy drum shuffle and upbeat clarinet accompaniment from the Van Halen brothers’ father. Because it doesn’t make you wanna bang your head to the rhythm but instead tap your toe is the reason it’s the most successful cover on the album, though a capella closer ‘Happy Trails’, that old Roy Rogers radio show chestnut, is perhaps the most appropriate send-off song since the Beatles’ ‘The End’. Perhaps.

Of the instrumentals, ‘Cathedral’ is the most interesting, and is the requisite Eddie Van Halen fretboard workout, though it’s not quite as much of a wank-fest as some of the other instrumentals, before and since, in their catalog. ‘Intruder’ was allegedly designed as a bit of introduction music when the ‘(Oh) Pretty Woman’ music video ran too long to edit it without losing something in translation, and is nice for background music but is largely inconsequential, unless you like hearing squealing guitars over a monotonous riff. ‘Little Guitars (intro)’ is a strange acoustic guitar piece, reminiscent of cheap B Western soundtracks, though it has little to do with the song of the same name.

So that leaves us with four original compositions, and they’re all about standard fare for Van Halen. ‘Hang ‘Em High’ continues with the Western theme that seems to be present on a lot of the songs on the album, and is a shit-kicking rocker that threatens to derail at any moment. Eddie Van Halen crams a few scorching solos in, and if this doesn’t get your blood pumping after the mid-tempo intro of ‘Where Have All The Good Times Gone’, then I don’t know what will. (It should be mentioned that the less celebrated but equally magnificient musical contributions of drummer Alex Van Halen and bassist Michael Anthony are excellent throughout; while Alex isn’t a wholly remarkable drummer, Michael is by far the most melodic American bassist I’ve heard, clearly taking a page from the McCartney / Entwistle handbook and making his own mark.) ‘Secrets’ is a faceless ballad, coming and going with little impact, though the guitar / drum introduction and guitar solo make it worthwhile listening, and are easily the high points of the song. ‘Little Guitars’ has a growling riff while David Lee Roth screeches and howls in cod Spanish, yearning for a señorita to fulfill his every fantasy, while ‘The Full Bug’ is the one song that sounds the most like Van Halen, like it would fit on any of their first six albums with little problem. David’s up to his characteristic histrionics, not so much singing as he is rapping like a demented carnival barker, while the band thrash away behind him, switching rhythms while keeping up with the tempo with relative ease. They make it seem so easy.

Diver Down isn’t Van Halen’s best album, and they would certainly go on to make better ones with Sammy Hagar, but it is enjoyable, and the covers are all top-notch. It’s the least like their previous albums, but depending on your view of them, this can be a good or bad thing. It’s probably my favorite of theirs, because there’s a good bit of variety and diversity instead of in-yer-face hard rock, which can become tiring after a while. At a paltry 31 minutes, though, Diver Down doesn’t have any time to outstay its welcome – just like any good little Van Halen album.

Essential listening: Where Have All The Good Times Gone, Hang ‘Em High, (Oh) Pretty Woman, Dancing In The Street, The Full Bug, Happy Trails